Eat, Drink, and Get Social

Eat, Drink and Get Social

Joey steps in and says, “Hello, everybody, this is my grandma. Grandma, this is Monica, Rachel, Ross, Chandler, and Pheobe.” This is the way to start party for Americans from what I have seen. Wait, isn’t it interesting or even weird? How can grandma join her grandson’s friend’s party besides she has not met any of them before? It had been my old question before I came here, and I thought I could do a same thing if I am in the American culture. However, whenever I am invited by American friends, honestly, I hesitate to give an answer right away whether I can join or not. The definition of party is a social gathering of invited guests, typically involving eating, drinking, and entertainment. It sounds like a miniature of people’s life in culture. Figuring out the differences between two cultures and getting into new party environment will be my main task while I am living here.





‘Here I am, in America, so I should follow the American way,’ I reminded myself. However, as I got the EVITE message from my friend, which was written , “Hello, everybody. My mom is going to be in town this Saturday. Why don’t we have a house warming party all together?”, I began to wonder. Also, I needed to create a good excuse to avoid going to her party because there were many people on the invitation list that I didn’t know. Koreans usually hang out with familiar people and I am Korean. Korean house warming parties usually take a few weekends because we invite one group of guests at a time like friends from high school, friends from college, coworkers from my side, coworkers from my husband’s side, and family members. It doesn’t mean that Koreans don’t talk to strangers, but Koreans prefer having deep conversations with familiar people. If there is somebody who doesn’t have any similar experience or reminiscence, it is going to be hard to socialize with each other.

When I organize a party for any occasion, making a food list is always the first thing I do. Sometimes, I spend a couple of days thinking about it and assembling all the ingredients, and all the dishes must be ready by the time the guests arrive at my place. Throwing a house warming party for a couple of weekends in a row is not that easy. The host may be sick of eating the same food and spending dinner time with another guest every weekend. But it is also part of a party, so it can be enjoyable. Also, guests expect that if they are invited around dinner time, they will have a supper. In contrast, my expectation was diverged when I got Katherine’s place where we were supposed to have dinner party. There were some snacks, cheese and beer. Snacks with beer is not considered a meal for me, but I didn’t mention anything about it and kept saying that I enjoyed the food a lot. Afterwards, the most unimaginable thing happened. One of the guests picked up the phone and ordered some food only for her, but nobody seemed to care about it including the host. In my culture, either attending party with a full stomach or ordering some food for individual person is considered rude behavior because everyone knows that host puts a tremendous effort into cooking, so eating well and giving some compliments is the best way to make the host happy.

American parties normally start with a cocktail or a bottle of beer or a glass of wine. When guests arrive, the host generally asks what kinds of drink would be the best for the guest after greeting them. As guests have drinks in their hands, the party states and they will help themselves for the next drinks. Of course, there are no rules for eating and drinking, even walking around with a beer bottle or dish is totally proper manner for a casual party. On the other hand, Korean parties start at the table and end at the table. When the last guest finds a seat, everyone starts eating. While the chopsticks are moving, the host keeps focus on the table, if any empty glass is on the table, host will fill the glass up without asking. If the host is busy taking care of other things or the host is seating far from the person who finishes a drink, especially liquor, the person who is sitting next to them, has a duty for filling the glass up. Apparently, we wouldn’t say to a guest, “Help yourself.”






Still, I am wondering when I will become comfortable at American parties without questioning myself. The answer may be broad and uncertain because it depends on the situation, culture, and the people. But the obvious thing is that I need more time to be accustomed to American culture. It may take me a long time, but I am not going to stop pushing myself because understanding the way of making relationships with people is a significant aspect of living in a different culture.